Being Smart

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 I keep having to remind myself in those moments when I'm blanking on information I can easily find but don't have stored at the tip of my tongue that my strength and my intelligence is a different KIND than a lot of people's: I'm a critical thinker, a problem solver. I can find information and put 2 and 2 together and make sense where there was no sense. THAT is how I am smart. I'm not an information all stored in my head, remember all formulas from every math class ever type of smart.

I have struggled with this my whole life. Feeling really intelligent one moment, then not remembering details and my ego deflating. Smartness, in my mind, has always been associated with those people who know formulas off-hand and can just spout complex detailed stuff, but that's just not how my brain works. And, believe me, I've tried to make it work that way. But what I'm finally learning about myself is that I can rebuild awareness pretty easily and have the ability to figure out HOW things work, and I know how to look for information I need to solve whatever problem I'm facing. The figuring out power is strong with this one. :)

It has to be enough that I know that. I can't convince someone who barely knows me and is interacting with me for a short time of this. They just have the blanks to go by. I have to know myself and not judge myself and trust that my actions over time will show them what I can do. Sigh. Those blanks are still frustrating, though.

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